meditation on mediation

so something wild has happened this year. i'm not going home for thanksgiving.

actually, i'm spending it in austin with the hubby and our little group of people and family.

it has gone over.... well interestingly with the family.

namely, mr. jaime took a stand.

see, every year it seems my family can't make a decision one way or another without fucking everything up and making it all more complicated than it has to be. and who's the one that always rushes in and tries to fix everything?

that's right.

so this year, i had enough.

every year it seems someone needs someone to help get one person or another one place or another. and i always end up sleeping on a floor or a couch.

not this year.

so my ma calls a few nights ago. the sis is heading into austin THURSDAY MORNING and she needs a way to get down to mcallen.

guess who got volunteered to do so.

or they can all come up to austin and spend thanksgiving in bastrop.

wha wha whaaaat?

well this year, after inviting everyone in july to come up to the house in bastrop and then getting this phone call a WEEK BEFORE THANKSGIVING mr. jaime had enough.

i was pissed. i got on my phone and basically bitched out my sister on her voicemail for about 10 minutes straight, made my mother cry at one point, and had to get a counciling session with the hubby in order for me to get rid of the overridding guilt and anger i was beating myself over the head with.

BUT.

lisa STILL hasnt' called me (did i tell you she went to dallas under the assumption she was going to training but actually went with a man and shrugged off the training all together, and still hasn't called me since?)(or since the voicemail?). my ma got over it rather quickly, and went to my little brother to get him to help.

so my brother will come and spend a night with me, and i always enjoy hangin' out with him cause lets face it, pot heads are rarely ever bored. and me and him are gonna just relax and catch up. he drives back home the next day with my sister.

i also made it very clear that my mom and family had a week to come up with plans for xmas cause i ain't going to be the gay mediator any more.

mr. fix everything is closed for fucking business my friend.

and you know, yea, it's harder now with well everything. i'm basically married, with 4 kids, THREE of which are handicapped (in the special way not the put my hand in a waffle iron way), i've got a career, a store, and an online business, AND sub at work for the hubby when he needs an assistant. it's not just that my life is well ... now a life, and i'm always busy and rarely have a day off, but it's the inconsideration for the fact that out of 4 children and 6 people in my family, that i'm always the one that's made or convinced that it is my job to make sure holidays go well, that we're all together for gatherings and that everyone is well taken care of.

where does everyone else fit into this picture? why isn't my older brother rushing in with offers of assistance. why isn't my sister the one on the phone with me and my mother trying to arrange HER plans and methods of travel so that she can be where she wants to be? why isn't my little brother running in with solutions and resolutions.

because i'm the gay one, and the gays always make happy.

well this gay is done with all that. and guilt, being that man made synthetic emotion, now is my only obstacle. because where as i still feel a tinsy bit of guilt over how all this went over, i'm still the one that has 4 jobs, a kid and a husband, and i just can't drop all that for a fucking turkey who 5 hours previous was getting fisted.

and I? well i just have to let out a long happy :: SIGH ::. no mcallen for 4 days, wanting to just get out of there the minute i get there. no having to drive 8 hours to and from, no traffic, no cutting myself in the bathroom.

definitly worth the self flagalation.

but... about this no turkey thing....