memories

i don't know if i'm like most people in this respect, but i can't remember much about my childhood. no real memories start till around 7 or 8th grade for me. i remember small things like walking around the halls or too and from elementary, but no real memories until later.

well except for one.

there's this one memory i have that makes me wonder. those that know me, know i'm close with my ma and that i can't even tell my dad i'm gay, though it's pretty obvious. my mom and i talk all the time and about everything, my dad and i talk, but not nearly as often and usually not about the stuff i talk about with my mom.

anyways. so there's this incident that landed me in the hospital at the age of 3. i very distintively remember before the accident climbing up on the bar to get the keys to the car, then the sky through the small foot by foot square windows of the paramedics van. then after that is where the memory starts. i remember being in the hospital and checking out. the walls were a deep periwinkle blue with multiracial children painted along the wall.

and i remember my dad. i remember looking and watching as my dad checked me out of the hospital. i remember him showing up and me walking down the hall with him, my tiny hand in his, and us walking out of the hospital together. what surprises me is that it wasn't my mom who picked me up, so unconsequencial, but now it's the first memory i have, and it has to do with my connection to my dad.