options

i am a child of the nineties, born on the cusp of the eighties (very capricorn born on the cusp of bitch and gay)(and if you don't know what cusp means, may i suggest dictionary.com). add my generation to above average intelligence, analytical analysis and my quirky view of the world and you're bound to have different opinions on a multitude of subjects, such as relationships.

the "m" word

no, not mammories, monogamy. monogamy, the epitome of relationships for 99% of the human population. the point of which words combine (boy friend = boyfriend, girl friend = girlfriend) an two people decide that you can't be with anyone else, i can't be with any one else, we belong to each other, private property, beware of dogs. the whole shabang.

monogamy leads to commitment, and that is the goal of any relationship. to reach that plataeu of emotional, physical, metaphysical connection and commit to one another for as long as each other shall live. and so it became, that the most fitting title for it would be "marriage," and and with it came the religious morality rules shoved down our throats for centuries. but for centuries they've degraded the ideal, the morals, the ethical aspects of marriage so much that today i can't honestly say that it should be protected the way it is. yes, in the course of relations between two heterosexual people who honestly believe in the ideal, really commit to it, the sanctity of the noun is whole in itself, and is beautiful and to be cherished. but marriage being sanctimonious in and of itself as a blanket statement for all of heterosexual man kind, i think not.

and do not think i don't appreciate both monogamy and marriage and everything both entail. i am a big fan of both. i'm played and will play major roles in metaphorical representations of the commitment of the act because i believe in it and belive in my best friend, i'm all for it. i am all for marriage and monogamy.

i just don't think it's for me.

tom and dick ... and roger .... and harry
-or-
option 2

then there are those of us who believe otherwise.

it all started with scott and franz.

scott and franz are two sweet, kind, and intelligent sexual gay men i met a number of years back. they've known each other longer than their 6 years of marriage (they both sport simple gold wedding bands and display countless pieces of memoribilia about their house of their wedding ceremony, family, priest and all). scott 39 and franz 29, each brought their own elements to the mix, scott his two children and franz his family, who are close with scot and regularly visit with them.

they invited me into their home as if i was an old friend, and i had occasion to be one on one with each of them. we'd talk of everything from family and school, to politics, news and even my passion for writing. and at times, about their relationship, and relations with other men. one question in perticular i would ask only for the sheer fact i knew the answer to it.

j: what's the most important thing to you?
s: he's my best friend.

and that shut me up. that brought tears to my eyes the first time i heard it. it was so simple. 'he's my best friend' and i knew what that meant. it meant that they share a bond that's everything; husband, partner, lover, significant other. but first and foremost they are best friends. they are committed to each other for the rest of their lives, to always be there for each other. when life sucks, they share a tear. when something exciting happens, they share the joy, and when one needs the other, they know they have someone that will always be there. always. and in that is the security of monogamy. because that is what monogamy is, is it not? is it not the promise to always be there for one another, to share in everything, good or bad, and the promise to live life together?

but in the case of an open relationship, when placing your trust in another person, the bonds of compassion, loyalty, trust, respect, love, honesty, understanding, everything is heightened. they have to be, because you are placing every bit of your trust and faith, your everything in the other person and trusting that they will return the love you give to them. and when it's accomplished, it is a beautiful, strong, and lasting commitment. one that can with stand any outside force that comes along. because you know you have all you could already want.

and then there's me, in a world unlike myself

i believe i'm for the latter. i don't know, but there's something primal in me, about being a man who loves men, that makes me want to be with men. i know what i have, and i love everything about it, good and bad, my love for him and our relationship is unconditional, should we break up or stay together, no matter, my love for him will never change. i love him a lot. i love him like i love no one else in my life, but i know i'm capable of loving each person i love with every ounce of my soul, heart and life, none getting any less than the other. and that is something more fierce than any piece of ass i may fuck.

and yes i reserve the right to say it as so. because i can break it down in my head. to me, sex is just that, sex. animals don't mate for life, the only purpose for it is procreation, and furthering the race. humans, heterosexuals namely, mate for procreation purposes as well, but it's through human evolution and christian/catholic/religious standards, we place on sex a level of ethical and moral codes that are simply human made. and anything human made stands to be broken. and so we have homosexuals, living outside that microcosm of life, as big as it may be, it stands to be a microcosm for comparison purposes. because homosexuals have no need for sex to be for procreational purposes. the only purpose, literally, for homosexual couples to have sex is for pleasure.

wait. before your mind even goes there, there's a distinction that's coming up that you should wait for. there is definitely a difference, in homosexual culture, between sex for pleasure purposes or as i've heard refered to as sport fucking, and sex between partners (an all encompassing term for gays and our lesbian sisters). but for argument purposes, a homosexual couple can have everything a sexual bond entails, without the sex. you can still have trust and respect and love and a place in your heart for another man who you love and not have sex. some gay men just love men, but don't need the sex because that is what's for them. and there are male homosexual couples out there who do not have sex. and that's amazing and nothing but admirable to me.

then there's the rest of us who do have sex, and why? because we want to be pleasured. that's what sex is, pleasure. but when it's sex between two people who are commted, and are in love, and are devoted to each other, it's not just sex for pleasure, anymore. no, it then becomes more than that, it becomes love making, fucking, having sex, or making love. it's all that. its the concious decision to invest in the other person emotional attachment to the sex in order to only assist and further strengthen an already unbreakable bond. it becomes more than just sex, it's tieing yourself to the other person further, and conciously taking part in the making of pure love, joy, and trust. not something you could find by "sport fucking."

now i can only speak for gay men on this one, because it applies to gay men only, and even then only a certain percent of us probably feel this way, but there is something very primal and animalistic about men that is to be desired. some of us more so than others. myself, i am a very sexual creature. i enjoy it all, and everything fascinates me to an extent. i enjoy the idea of being with a man for exploritory purposes, to explore different ways of feeling the same thing. because it's interesting, and fun, and animalistic and primal and i don't know any more ways to describe it. but it's something that i know i want, it's something that manifested itself in me when i was single. those that know me know that it manifested. half of austin knows it manifested. just kidding folks. i'm not paris hilton.

and let me put to rest the idea that i "may not be that interested in what i already have." what i have with my s.o. is something that is too incredible to describe. each time is different from the last and never the same. and i love him more than i've ever loved anyone. the bond i share with him on that intimate level only people with our kind of commitment are privilegded to feel makes everything with him incredible and unmatchable. and we both swear its a love and bond we've never experienced. and that is just something that could never be duplicated. and knowing that that's there at night or at the end of the day is something that gives me a security that is greater than any word could describe or encompass (and by that i mean marriage and monogamy).

but there's also so much more that's happened in my life that effects every aspect of my views and opinons and my life, that it's hard to even say that these are all definite and unchanging. what i've discovered about myself is that i have a drive to always be learning something or being interested in something for the sake of learning something or even just being entertained. i want to know what everything has to offer. but hey, i'm in no rush. i'll just learn what i've relearned over the past couple of weeks... take life day by day, that's the best we all can do.

and that's me. in a world unlike myself.