july 14, 2004 - "where you learned your sexual values"
where i learned my sexual values
-or-
i never had the 'birds and the bees' talk with my parents. praise be to god(dess)
-or-
i never had the 'birds and the bees' talk with my parents. praise be to god(dess)
i learned my sexual values on my own. you tend to do that growing up in a ninety-nine percent latino culture as places like mcallen, texas, dictate (don't let the name fool you, i'm a coconut, brown on the outside, white on the inside). throw into the mix an awkward, overweight, intelligent seventeen year old gay adolescent, and there's bound to be trouble.
i kept to myself in high school; the straight guys would talk about their conquests and all i would think about is how i would like to conquest them. and i often did, in secret of course. like so many gay youth, i had to find out on my own the rights and wrongs, goods and bads, hot and 'holy crap that's disgusting batman!' i didn't have anyone to teach me, so when i went home for the first time with another man from the first gay bar i ever went to - let's just say the alcohol i had attained after a quick hand wash in the bathrrom served its purpose. luckily the awkwardness and self consciousnes quickly disappeared and i myself was amazed at how easy, and i think just really natural it all was, like 'yea, this feels right.' i learned with my intelligence, looks and person, that i quickly became a commodity. i lost the weight, gained the confidence, and was myself, and in about six months time i had a strong basis of sexual values.
then came austin. austin just expanded my interests. i naturally had my preference (and the ever stereotypical gay promiscuity) which of course disappeared- over time. but more importantly, i had an opportunity to become an educator and leader in the gay community and served as director of the glbt students association at ut, where it became my duty to educate myself as to sex (gay, straight, lesbian, trisexual, and other) and i got to educate others inside and outside the classroom. many a bar occasion would be spent intellectualizing with a colleague, usually out for the night but not feeling the dancing, tweaking, drunk or rolling mob on the dancefloor. i even held lectures and was asked many a time to be a panel member on everything from glbt rights to growing up gay to being asked "how i like it" in front of a human sexuality class at a lutheran university! (needless to say, they asked and i told).
my sexual values were self taught. i had to determine for myself what i would and would not do, how far i would go, safety, love, one night stand-- everything-- for myself, and it's made me who i am.
i kept to myself in high school; the straight guys would talk about their conquests and all i would think about is how i would like to conquest them. and i often did, in secret of course. like so many gay youth, i had to find out on my own the rights and wrongs, goods and bads, hot and 'holy crap that's disgusting batman!' i didn't have anyone to teach me, so when i went home for the first time with another man from the first gay bar i ever went to - let's just say the alcohol i had attained after a quick hand wash in the bathrrom served its purpose. luckily the awkwardness and self consciousnes quickly disappeared and i myself was amazed at how easy, and i think just really natural it all was, like 'yea, this feels right.' i learned with my intelligence, looks and person, that i quickly became a commodity. i lost the weight, gained the confidence, and was myself, and in about six months time i had a strong basis of sexual values.
then came austin. austin just expanded my interests. i naturally had my preference (and the ever stereotypical gay promiscuity) which of course disappeared- over time. but more importantly, i had an opportunity to become an educator and leader in the gay community and served as director of the glbt students association at ut, where it became my duty to educate myself as to sex (gay, straight, lesbian, trisexual, and other) and i got to educate others inside and outside the classroom. many a bar occasion would be spent intellectualizing with a colleague, usually out for the night but not feeling the dancing, tweaking, drunk or rolling mob on the dancefloor. i even held lectures and was asked many a time to be a panel member on everything from glbt rights to growing up gay to being asked "how i like it" in front of a human sexuality class at a lutheran university! (needless to say, they asked and i told).
my sexual values were self taught. i had to determine for myself what i would and would not do, how far i would go, safety, love, one night stand-- everything-- for myself, and it's made me who i am.
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